Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
