your room smells of hookers.
And success
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize