You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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