do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
