Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
