he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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