The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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