Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
