so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It's shark week go big or go home
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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