just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
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