I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
