When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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