NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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