i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
