Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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