he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
So vagazzling was a success
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
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