Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
