An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize