all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
