You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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