It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
This is the high leading the old right now
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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