we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
