roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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