TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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