i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
