mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize