It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
