I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
