i don't like sucking hair
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
