did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
