Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
