so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize
