Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
