That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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