He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
