I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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