Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
