Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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