This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
