Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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