i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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