so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
All the doctor said was why
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
