Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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