The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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