I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
