Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
