I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
