So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
