The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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