Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize