I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
