can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
