i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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