I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
