a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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