you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
