.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
