Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
