so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize