i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
sarcasm needs its own font
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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