I'm lost and stupid without you.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
