ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
