i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize