I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
