you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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