But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
