So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
